I Went AMERICA All Over Las Vegas's Ass

I just got back from a weekend trip to Vegas with Joel, Joe, and Drew. Woo hoo! Our main reason for going was an outdoor concert festival called Vegoose. The headliner on Saturday night was Daft Punk, and they rocked. The cool thing about this concert festival is that almost half of the people go to it dressed in their Halloween costumes. We were no exception.

Here is Drew (fighter pilot), Joe (sailor), Joel (Captain Morgan), and Giraffe (Charlie from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia):


Here we are before the concert:


Another picture from the concert: Notice my jean jacket, american flag bandanna, and Farm Aid tshirt. I'm gunna rise up, kick some ass, drive a big truck, sew a flag, and go America all over your ass:


Joe, Joel, Giraffe, and Drew, the next day, after the concert:

Wildfires and Zombie Attacks

The wildfires in southern California have been on my mind this week. It's hard for me to comprehend what a city goes through in a natural disaster situation, whether it's a fire, a hurricane, or an earthquake. The shock of destruction. The evacuation. The worrying. The lack of safety. The looting.

I have often felt fortunate to live in Portland. We don't have wildfires, tornadoes, hurricanes, flash floods, tsunamis, acid rain, smog, or major earthquakes. I'm trying to think what major disasters we do have...

We do get a tiny earthquake every now and then, but it's the kind that most people sleep through. (Then the next day at work, people talk about having a dream about an earthquake--oh, no way, you had that same dream too?)

We also get a volcanic eruption every 150 years or so, but we should be okay for my lifetime, because Mt. St. Helens has already happened. I'm willing to play the numbers on this one. (I did take three Geology/Rocks for Jocks classes in college.)

We get tiny mudslides when it rains too much, but they only affect a couple people's route to work in the morning. I really can't think of anything, on a grand scale, that's devastating to the whole Portland community.

My coworker, Ben, reminded me that Portland is still highly susceptible to zombie attacks. True, true.

Waiters and Water Pitchers

Why do some waiters do the "side pour" with the water pitcher? Is it an ice thing?

If they're trying to impress me or work me for a better tip, it's not working. I repeat, it's not working. I'm not an "ice guy." The risk to return ratio just isn't worth it, in my opinion. There is a high probability for spilling, and I don't want a wet lap.

Abort the side pour.

Midweek Makeover

What's the recipe for the new-look blog?
Stripped-down architecture, new color palate, bloodshot eyes.

I was going to write a new post last night, but instead, I decided to revamp the blog. It was getting a little too vamp. Hopefully this is a signal that I'll be blogging more often, hopefully...

And Show It Begins

Fall is officially here. And you know how I know? Because new seasons of new crappy shows are on every network on every night. And I'm hooked.

I need two TiVos this time of year. Monday night at 8pm, I have one tuner on How I met Your Mother. I have the other tuner on Chuck. And I can't watch Monday Night Football. Luckily the score wasn't close.

The hardest part is figuring out which shows to commit to. I want to find the good ones, last year's Heroes and 30 Rock, and avoid the duds, like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The Nine, both of which got canceled last year before the end of the season. Coincidentally, both starred one of the Hackett brothers from the TV show Wings. Or maybe it wasn't a coincidence. Hmmmmmm.

Here are some quick comments on what I've seen so far (and to be fair I've only seen the early starts and Monday's lineup):

Kid Nation
It needs more "kid," less "nation." I like the premise--strand forty middle school kids in a deserted ghost town. They have to do everything for themselves. I was hoping it would be a little more like Lord of the Flies. More disorder, more arguing, less supplies provided for them. The biggest fights have been about washing dishes. Really? Rinsing dishes? These ghost town arguments sound like the same ones I had with my parents in a non-ghost town. The worst thing the bully of the show did was tag some "blue team" gang signs using chalk. Yeah, chalk. He should have pinched some specs. Verdict: I don't think I'm watching it again. I wanted to see some farming. I wanted to see some arguing. I wanted to see some crying. I wanted to see a nine-year-old fillet an armadillo for supper. This is just like a crappy, kid survivor.

Survivor China
Speaking of Survivor, season twenty three is taking place in China. The show has become repetitive and uninteresting, and that's why they moved it to China. Hopefully the can hook some of the 7 billion Chinese citizens into watching their show. Verdict: Dangit, it's still starving people competing for a stupid necklace and a pack of matches. If nothing else is on... maybe.

Chuck
I think I liked this show. It's hard to tell. This was the "pilot" episode, but I think I'm going to refer to it as the "spider bite" episode. This is a reference to the Spiderman (comic and tv show), or pretty much any superhero character, where they first have to explain how the powers came to be, before the show can get on a regular routine. Chuck's brain got accidentally overloaded with a bunch of government images from a government computer. The computer blew up. Now the government needs Chuck. He works at Best Buy, err... Buy More. Verdict: I want to see one or two more before I turn my thumb up or down. This show comes from the guy who wrote The OC (bitch!). It is produced, and the first episode was directed, by McG, of the Charlie's Angles movies fame and tv show Fastlane. So it will probably suck, but look actiony-good. This show might make it through this season purely based on the HCF (Hot Chick Factor). The blond CIA agent kicks ass and sports a nice one herself. Chuck has a brunette sister, just in case blonds turn some viewers off.

The Big Bang Theory
The cute ditsy girl from The John Ritter Show (that's not the name, but who cares or knows what it was called) moves in next to two uber-dweebs. Their interactions are awkward because they come from different words. Verdict: Nerds wrote this show. Nerds might be the only people watching this show. Nerds don't pull ratings. Their HCF cannot save them past episode six.


I'll blog again after I see a few more new shows. But I'll do some quick hits on returning shows that premiered a new season:

Family Guy Star Wars episode: Classic. Have watched it twice.

How I Met Your Mother: Ted's tramp stamp reminds me of my friend Nate's. Mandy more is a dirty ho-ma, which I like.

Heroes: It'll probably still be good, but I worry that their characters are too spread apart. Last year, each individual story wound together in an urgent way. The pace of the drama and the fighting drove us through the second half of the season to a big finale. Now, at the beginning of season two, everything is slow. Everything is disconnected. It doesn't feel as strong. But then again, it's only been one episode, and to be honest, I don't think they even thought they would make it to the end of season one.

WTF, Willy Wonka?

The Willy Wonka Candy Co. and I do not think on the same wavelength anymore. Maybe that's a sign of me growing up. Willy Wonka has certainly gone off his rocker.

What the frick--Nerds Rope?

Nerds, Rope?

Nerds Rope.

Nerds. Rope.

For those of you who haven't tried this stupid candy, I'll explain it to you. It's a big Red Rope licorice with a whole blunch a Nerds glued to it. Yes a sugary, crunchy, candy whip of stupidity and insult.



And the sad part is that I like Nerds. I grew up loving Nerds. It was my favorite trick-or-treating candy--those awesome little boxes that I'd take down in one bite (drink?). I don't eat Nerds all that often nowadays, but I've always been Pro-Nerds. Never have I been Anti-. Always Pro-.

I've supported all Nerds-related choices: Splitting the box in two? Yes. Funny little cartoon drawings? Yes. Sour Nerds? Yes. Coating the Nerds with another Nerd flavor? Yes. Snoop Dogg? Yesizzle.



Nerds Rope is one of those candies that Wonka should keep in the factory. Like the gumball that turns you into a giant blueberry. Or the soda pop that make you burp/fly. The great thing about regular Nerds is that they're small. They're crunchy. They're pure sugar, in the most simplest form. They deliver two flavors in each box. They a solid candy, but they are eaten like a drink. Like a can of pop, they have the little mouth spout in the top and everything.



Now, all of the sudden, Nerds Rope comes along and kills this beauty. A Twizzler raped a box of Nerds, and now this monstrosity is what children will be eating? Not my children.

Vacation, Day 7 - Cicadas

There are these weird, LOUD bugs here called cicadas.