Who could hate Shaun White? Me.

How good is it to be Shaun White right now? This kid is blowing up. He’s not even 20, and he’s at the top of his game. He’s bigger than Jack White, bigger than Barry White, bigger than Reggie White, and even bigger than E.B. White (Shout out to Templeton: What up, rat!). He has mad endorsements. I’ve recently seen him on two commercials: HP laptops and SportsCenter. He’s in video games. He has a clothing line. He has eight X Games metals and an Olympic Gold Metal (2006 Winter Halfpipe). He’s a hero, or at least a roll model, to today’s youth. And on top of all this, he seems like a genuinely nice and grounded kid.



So is it wrong for me to hate him? Why do I ask? Because I do.

I hate his hair. I hate his smile. I hate the way he spells his name Shaun and not Shawn or Sean. I hate his clothing line. I hate his myspace page. I hate when he rides switch (goofy if he’s snowboarding). I hate that he listens to music while he does halfpipe. I hate that he is trying to one-up Tony Hawk’s 900 by attempting a 1080 in competition. I don’t hate his voice, but I do hate his post-competition interviews. I hate his nickname “Flying Tomato,” but I hear that he hates the nickname too, so maybe I like it, not sure on that one yet. I hate that he probably doesn’t hate me. I hate his sponsors, unless they want to throw me some free gear. On second though, I do hate his voice.

Why do I hate Shaun White? I don’t know. I don’t think I can give you a definitive answer. Maybe because he is successful at such a young age. Maybe I’m jealous because I never made it big in extreme/alternative sports. Maybe because I think he looks weird. I remember when he was cute little kid. Now he has Olsen Twin Syndrome, where puberty kicks in and you aren’t that cute anymore (sorry Mary Kate, but it’s true). Right now, I might have a hard time picking him out of a police lineup with Carrot Top and Rocky, that guy from the Cher movie, Mask. Yes, that’s mean, but it’s true.



I guess I just feel that it’s wrong that he’s on top of the world. Shaun White can do no wrong. Everyone loves him. Think of the worst thing he could do, and he wouldn’t get in trouble. The worst thing ever. He could like, skate up to the Vatican, stab the Pope in the back with a pocketknife, do an ollie, skate away, and not get in trouble. He’d probably even get a new sponsor out of the event, like Leatherman or something. In fact, they’d probably name a trick after the whole thing. You’d see highlights on SportsCenter later that night: the “Backside No-Pope,” invented by Shaun White. Scott VanPelt says, “Shaun White, with powers comparable to Wonderboy!!!” and then Stu Scott throws in a “Boo-yah!”

I wonder if I’m the only one who feels this way. Maybe so. I might search to see if there is a anti-fan page, or a hate site or something. And Shaun, don't worry. I'm not crazy or a stalker, and I would never "Backside No-Pope" you. The whole blog was a little cathartic, and who knows how I'll feel about you in a few years (when you stop winning metals). And seriously, Burton, Birdhouse, MountainDew, Sony, Oakley, T-Mobile, if any of y’all want to send some gear my way, I might consider changing my beliefs and/or opinions on this blog subject and maybe other topics, too. The Giraffe can be bought.