Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Thoughts in the shower...

Here is what I thought about in the shower this morning:

Girl Scout Cookies
What are the first things that immediately come to mind when I think about boy scouts? Um, whittling, tying knots, and helping old ladies cross the street. What are the first things that immediately come to mind when I think about girl scouts? Cookies. That's it, nothing else. Just cookies (which I recently learned are made by Kellogg's). Every year I feel worse and worse about girl scout cookies, with their high pressure selling tactics and mega-corporation cookies.

I think this type of girl scout cookie has crack in it. They are that good. Not that I've ever had crack before, but I imagine that crack tastes like caramel and coconut topped with chocolate. No wonder it's so addicting.

"Just To Be Fair..."
If you're in an activity/event/competition with somebody and right before the event starts, they say to you, "Just to be fair, I should probably tell you that...," that's not being fair. It's more like saying, "I'm a cheater (or a professional) but you just don't know it. And to rub it in even more, I wanted to be the one who told you five seconds before you compete in this contest. Good luck, you have no chance."

Daniel Heder, Jon Heder's Twin Brother
It probably sucks to be the twin of a famous actor. And it's probably hard to tell a fan that you're not Napoleon Dynomite, you're his twin brother, when you look and sound exactly the same as your brother. "Ihaveatwinbrother, gawwshhhhhh."

Lever 2000
There was this soap that existed back in the '90s called Lever 2000. I don't know if it exists today. But their slogan/tagline was "Lever 2000, for all of your 2000 body parts." I'm calling BS on that advertising. I started counting in the shower today. Ten fingers, ten toes, okay that's twenty. Arms, elbows, armpits, chest, belly, rump, hips, thighs, knees, shins, calves, ankles, feet, neck, ears, cheeks, forehead, nose... That's like, 65 parts. Where the heck do they come up with 2000 parts? Am I supposed to eat this? Mouth, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine. Okay, now we're up to like 71 parts. Even if you did open-chest surgery with this soap-- heart, lungs, liver, pancreas--that's like 141 parts. WTF? 2000? Plus, if they wanted to come off looking legit the shouldn't use a round number like 2000. Lever 1267 is more believable.

American Leprechauns
Why doesn't America have any cool magical creatures like leprechauns? I don't mean specifically leprechauns, but just some sort of magical fairytale creature. I know we got a late start as a country, but were all of the magical creature stories already taken by then? Like Ireland has leprechauns, Scotland has the loch ness monster, Eastern Europe has vampires, and China has dragons. What do we have? Do we have Native American stories, I guess? Maybe. But no offense to Native Americans, but a baked, vision quest coyote telling me what to do is not as cool as a dragon or a leprechaun. It's not as cool, that's just a fact.


James Wood said...

So is Big Foot not good enough for you? There's a little bit of magic there - in a hairy kinda way.

When this post started with you thinking of girl scouts while in the shower I was a little nervous.

Giraffe said...

Big Foot! Excellent. That's what I was looking for! How could I forget? There is hope for America yet.

Awesome James. Thanks.

James Wood said...

Glad I could help - and restore hope to our nation.

I just had a mental picture of big foot in a girl scout uniform trying to be inconspicous while selling cookies.

Mike said...

also i think dinosaurs live in jurassic park which is in hawaii. not the lower 48, but still america.