Monday, January 22, 2007

I Feel Like A PC, Not a Mac.

I'm not sure if it's a virus, or the flu, or some sickness with flu-like symtoms, but something kicked my ass this weekend. From 5pm Friday to 9am Monday, I rarely left my couch. Multiple times to the bathroom. Once to the store. I was congested, sniffly, coughy, rumbly, and weak for more than two days.

My buddy Mike suggested that I might be sick from karma. He mentioned that less than a week ago I renounced the "bless you." Yeah, it might be karma and not a cold or flu. At this point, I'm not ruling anything out.

I'm headed on the right track to healthiness, though. Today I feel only half as bad as I did on Saturday and Sunday. I went into work for about an hour before I was told to go home. To be honest, I didn't want to be there, but I had some things that needed to be sent out quickly. It was much easier for me to just do them than to tell someone else how to do them.

Right now, I'm just pumping my body full of as much medicine and good things it can take: Tussin (not Robitussin. What, you think I'm made of money?), Vitamin C, Electrolytes, Sudafed, Ibuprofen, Halls with Menthol, McAffe, and Norton. Hopefully I'm on my way to feeling like a Mac again.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Relax. You're at Great Clips.

I just watched a commercial for the haircutting place, Great Clips. And it scared me. Not in a “scared for my life” kind of way, but in a “oh shit, they are going to screw up my hair” kind of way. I truly believe that if I go to Great Clips, I would leave with a worse haircut than when I entered. I would bet money that the people in the Great Clips commercial don’t get their hair cut there.

It’s no secret that I get my hair cut at SuperCuts. I’ve been going for years. Yes, it’s a low-budget chain, but they have some positive qualities. First, they are all educated at a SuperCuts school. So, their terminology is universal (like “a number two on the sides, blended, finger tight…”). Second, I can call ahead and not wait in a line. And third, I don’t like to put my name in the hat and get a random cutter. I try to request someone who I like and trust. Right now it’s Megan, aka “Snips,” at the Hollywood SuperCuts in NE Portland.

But I’ve always been hesitant of Great Clips and Precision Cuts. I had one bad experience at Great Clips (just bad in general, not worth mentioning). And my old roommate, Drew, had a bad one at Precision Cuts. His story goes something like the lady was mean, gave him lip, and half-asses his hair. But then when he went to pay, and she saw some twenties in his money clip, she started chatting it up like they were old friends. Nice, way to work for that tip.

I guess the reason I write this post is that these chains market themselves as shitty places. I’ve never seen a commercial or print ad talking about quality or service. It’s always about low prices and half-off coupons. And I guess that’s not wrong. It’s what they are, cheap national haircut chains. But that still doesn’t make me feel good or confident in going to their stores. I feel skeptical and unsure. A haircut is a service that I buy that directly affects my appearance and self-confidence for the next month. If it wasn’t for Megan aka “Snips” or the good SuperCutters in my past (January and Rick, what what), SuperCuts would not get my business.

And does anyone else find it funny that the shittiest, most low-budget national haircut chains have such lofty names, which do nothing to describe their product or service. Super Cuts. Great Clips. Precision Cuts. No offence, but super, great, and precise are probably not the adjectives that come to my mind. It’s more like, cheap, convenient, and adequate.

Lastly, I’m glad that Great Clips understand the hesitancy and nervousness I would experience while getting my hair cut at their stores. Because their tag line for their commercial promoting their $6.99 special is “Relax. You’re at Great Clips.” That’s the equivalent of “What’d you expect? Alberson’s soda.” And “Hope you’re not allergic to dog. Taco Bell.” Seriously, relax, take a deep breath, and we’ll try to not mess up your head. And if we do, you can’t blame us, because it cost you less than seven bucks. Great Clips.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Wow, it’s been a while. I appologize. I’ve been so busy with work and sleeping that I haven’t found time to write. But I'm back with a January update. So, let’s do six quick hits, then I’m out. You ready?

1. Homeless guys and urban raccoons. These are the things in my neighborhood that scare me at night. Let’s just say I’ve recently had small run-ins with both of these things after midnight on the way from my car to my apartment. I am not injured, but I am a little traumatized.

2. I’m sick of all the sniffling and sneezing at work. It always happens every winter. And all of the people saying “bless you” every five minutes is even worse. I have officially renounced blessing people. No more blessings from me, especially in a public setting. If you and I are alone, I might let a “bless you” slip accidentally, but I’m really trying to quit.

3. I am really excited about 2007. Not because there’s anything special happening this year. Just that I like the way I write my sevens. I totally have a kick-ass seven in my handwriting arsenal. You know the kind, right? The seven with the horizontal line through it. Kind of like a seven with arms. It might be my favorite numeral. Either seven or five.

4. Has anyone even seen a glass break while clinking during a “cheers.” I think that it would be cool to see. Would it be because the person aggressively clinks too hard? Or maybe because of a weak or cracked glass? And are there negative effects? Like dealing with shards of glass all over the table, possibly in people’s food. And what do you do about the karma? Breaking a glass during a cheers or a toast seems like bad luck to me. (These are things I think about…)

5. I think I want to invent a stroller with a gun rack attached to it. Not that I’m in to hunting or that I have any children. But I totally see the potential market for this product. I can easily imagine the type of mother who A) wants to accompany her husband on hunting trips and B) doesn’t want to pay for a babysitter. (Again, things that I think about…)

6. It snowed today here in Portland. Boo-yeah. About f-ing time. But I still had to walk to work. Dang.