Monday, September 25, 2006


Tell me you don't beleive in superstition. Tell me you don't fear black cats, or walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror, or appearing on the cover of a Madden NFL video game.

Shaun Alexander has a broken foot and will be out for a couple weeks.

Bad news for our northwest team. Good news for fellow Duck Maurice Morris. Or MoMo as his friends call him. Right Jones? Tell him that I say, "Sup?"

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Fishbowl of Righteousness

Okay, so I'm not sure if righteousness is the correct word. Actually, I don't think righteousness is anywhere close to the word I'm searching for, but The Fishbowl of Righteousness just sounds so cool.

Okay, so here's what's up. I got this vase that kind of looks like a fishbowl. It's clear, spherelike, and hollow. That's pretty much the requirements for describing a fishbowl. But it's not a fishbowl, it's a vase! But it's one of those vases that you aren't supposed to put flowers in. Instead, they're always being displayed filled with things like potpourri, dried leaves, or colored rocks with sticks coming out the opening.

I think that's bullshit. And I'm taking interior decorating into my own hands. I'm bringing it back to "realness." No dried leaves. No potpourri. Just bottle caps.

That's right. Bottlecaps, what. Beer bottle caps! Let the collection begin! It might take a few years, it might take the help of friends, it might take a bunch of houseparties, but I vow that the The Fishbowl of Righteousness will overflow with beer bottlecaps.

1. Only beer bottlecaps.
2. Only beer bottlecaps consumed in my house or apartment.
3. Upon entry into the fishbowl, the beer drinker must declare the words "The Fishbowl of Righteousness!"
4. A party will be held to celebrate the overflowednessousity of the fishbowl. The title of this party shall be known as "The Celebration of the Overflowednessousity of The Fishbowl of Righteousness." That sounds a little long; it's just a working title for now.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Business Trip Knowledge

My co-worker/buddy Ben and I just got back from a four-day business trip in Phoenix and San Diego. Here are some notes from our trip:

I was in San Diego for three days, but I never put even a toe in the ocean. It wasn't because it was cold. It's just that I'm scared of sting rays, mate.

Rental car quote of the trip: I drive a Dodge Stratus. I'm a division manager. People respect me. (Guess what kind of rental car we had for two days?)

This is Ben. This is the Dodge Stratus.

The heat in Phoenix is un
bearable. While visiting Arizona in the summer, every single time you walk out of a restaurant/bar/store/car/anything that has air conditioning, at least one person in your group will say "Damn it's hot." And it is.

The brunch at the hotel in Phoenix had this cool semi-suspended Belgian waffle maker contraption. The customer gets to pour in a small cup of batter, squeeze the lid down, flip the device, and set the timer that alerts you when the waffle is finished cooking. That being said, I had Frosted Flakes.

When placed in the same pocket of a backpack, an ipod, an ipod charger, a bunch of loose change, headphones, a digital camera, four granola bars, a couple of dvds, sunglasses, and a deck of cards dramatically resembles a bomb. At least that's what five Phoenix airport security officials determined after two minutes of examining it on the x-ray conveyor belt.

Hot girls from Burbank are stuck-up beeotches. This stereotyping statement is based upon one thirty-second interaction in a hotel elevator.

The Oregon Duck football team is losing players to injury at a rate of one player per quarter. At this rate, by mid-season Mike Belloti will be handing the ball off to the Donald the Duck mascot for the running plays. And we'll still beat the Huskies. Hi-oooooo. (Rimshot.)

"Animal Style" is way better than regular onions. And I have never been disappointed with In-N-Out's customer service. Always friendly, helpful, and hard-working. And they wear funny hats. I like that place.

Every time I see a dog missing a leg, I assume that his name is "Tripod." It's just my human nature to think that. But I've never seen a dog with two legs, or even just one. Is there a similar naming process in these circumstances? Bipod? Dipod? Unipod? Monopod? Pod?

Remember twelve years ago? When asked, you would list rollerblading as one of your hobbies. We all did! But today, I never see any rollerbladers. I had assumed they went extinct. Well, a few of them survived, and they live along the California boardwalks. They also wear headphones and sweat a lot.

The girl in the BMW with the California license plate "CUTIE 5" is accurately referring to her cuteness on a scale of one to ten.

Nick, who we met up with in San Diego, agrees that the correct pronunciation of the city of La Jolla should be "La Jawl-la," not "La Hoi-ya." Man Law!

Hotels should make all second-story hotel room balconies closer to the swimming pools that they overlook. Mine was pretty close, but just far enough to not jump--about six or eight feet. I think I could have made it.

Bob, the security checkpoint guy at the San Diego airport determined that my Nike running shoes do not have traces of chemicals used to make bombs. I told him that when he "randomly" picked me. I'm not sure if he believed me, but he had to swab them anyway--it was his job. I got searched at two of three airports this weekend. I'm starting to think I'm getting racially profiled.