WTF, Willy Wonka?

The Willy Wonka Candy Co. and I do not think on the same wavelength anymore. Maybe that's a sign of me growing up. Willy Wonka has certainly gone off his rocker.

What the frick--Nerds Rope?

Nerds, Rope?

Nerds Rope.

Nerds. Rope.

For those of you who haven't tried this stupid candy, I'll explain it to you. It's a big Red Rope licorice with a whole blunch a Nerds glued to it. Yes a sugary, crunchy, candy whip of stupidity and insult.



And the sad part is that I like Nerds. I grew up loving Nerds. It was my favorite trick-or-treating candy--those awesome little boxes that I'd take down in one bite (drink?). I don't eat Nerds all that often nowadays, but I've always been Pro-Nerds. Never have I been Anti-. Always Pro-.

I've supported all Nerds-related choices: Splitting the box in two? Yes. Funny little cartoon drawings? Yes. Sour Nerds? Yes. Coating the Nerds with another Nerd flavor? Yes. Snoop Dogg? Yesizzle.



Nerds Rope is one of those candies that Wonka should keep in the factory. Like the gumball that turns you into a giant blueberry. Or the soda pop that make you burp/fly. The great thing about regular Nerds is that they're small. They're crunchy. They're pure sugar, in the most simplest form. They deliver two flavors in each box. They a solid candy, but they are eaten like a drink. Like a can of pop, they have the little mouth spout in the top and everything.



Now, all of the sudden, Nerds Rope comes along and kills this beauty. A Twizzler raped a box of Nerds, and now this monstrosity is what children will be eating? Not my children.