Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Remove the Lens Cap

Last weekend I drove up to Tacoma for a wedding, and to Seattle to help my sister move back from college for the summer. Over the next few days, I’ll post some quick hits/random thoughts from the weekend:

What qualifies you to be a wedding photographer? From what I can discern, it doesn’t take much. You must wear your hair in a long ponytail. You must wear your sunglasses on top of your head while inside the church. You must wear sandals. You must hire your semi-hot girlfriend/wife as your assistant (who knows if she’s getting paid for this?).

(Sidenote: I thought she was pretty good looking. Dark hair, black shirt, tight black pants. One of those really tiny, but extremely sparkly nose ring stud-things. That lets you know she gets down.) Back to photographer requirements...

You must wear a very large hip bag/fanny pack with what I assume is extra film, batteries, and business cards (that’s called networking, bitches). You must squat/lay/kneel in the church aisle while taking pictures from every angle imaginable. No standing and snapping photos allowed.

So I think that’s it. Let’s review:
sunglasses in hair
girlfriend assistant who is a “7” or an “8,” nosering recommended
fanny pack
squat and shoot
Now you are a professional wedding photographer.

If you follow these guidelines, I am pretty sure that you will get tons of work. Don't worry; people won’t request to see your previous work, because look at you, you are clearly an experienced wedding photographer.

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