Monday, September 11, 2006

Business Trip Knowledge

My co-worker/buddy Ben and I just got back from a four-day business trip in Phoenix and San Diego. Here are some notes from our trip:

I was in San Diego for three days, but I never put even a toe in the ocean. It wasn't because it was cold. It's just that I'm scared of sting rays, mate.

Rental car quote of the trip: I drive a Dodge Stratus. I'm a division manager. People respect me. (Guess what kind of rental car we had for two days?)

This is Ben. This is the Dodge Stratus.

The heat in Phoenix is un
bearable. While visiting Arizona in the summer, every single time you walk out of a restaurant/bar/store/car/anything that has air conditioning, at least one person in your group will say "Damn it's hot." And it is.

The brunch at the hotel in Phoenix had this cool semi-suspended Belgian waffle maker contraption. The customer gets to pour in a small cup of batter, squeeze the lid down, flip the device, and set the timer that alerts you when the waffle is finished cooking. That being said, I had Frosted Flakes.

When placed in the same pocket of a backpack, an ipod, an ipod charger, a bunch of loose change, headphones, a digital camera, four granola bars, a couple of dvds, sunglasses, and a deck of cards dramatically resembles a bomb. At least that's what five Phoenix airport security officials determined after two minutes of examining it on the x-ray conveyor belt.

Hot girls from Burbank are stuck-up beeotches. This stereotyping statement is based upon one thirty-second interaction in a hotel elevator.

The Oregon Duck football team is losing players to injury at a rate of one player per quarter. At this rate, by mid-season Mike Belloti will be handing the ball off to the Donald the Duck mascot for the running plays. And we'll still beat the Huskies. Hi-oooooo. (Rimshot.)

"Animal Style" is way better than regular onions. And I have never been disappointed with In-N-Out's customer service. Always friendly, helpful, and hard-working. And they wear funny hats. I like that place.

Every time I see a dog missing a leg, I assume that his name is "Tripod." It's just my human nature to think that. But I've never seen a dog with two legs, or even just one. Is there a similar naming process in these circumstances? Bipod? Dipod? Unipod? Monopod? Pod?

Remember twelve years ago? When asked, you would list rollerblading as one of your hobbies. We all did! But today, I never see any rollerbladers. I had assumed they went extinct. Well, a few of them survived, and they live along the California boardwalks. They also wear headphones and sweat a lot.

The girl in the BMW with the California license plate "CUTIE 5" is accurately referring to her cuteness on a scale of one to ten.

Nick, who we met up with in San Diego, agrees that the correct pronunciation of the city of La Jolla should be "La Jawl-la," not "La Hoi-ya." Man Law!

Hotels should make all second-story hotel room balconies closer to the swimming pools that they overlook. Mine was pretty close, but just far enough to not jump--about six or eight feet. I think I could have made it.

Bob, the security checkpoint guy at the San Diego airport determined that my Nike running shoes do not have traces of chemicals used to make bombs. I told him that when he "randomly" picked me. I'm not sure if he believed me, but he had to swab them anyway--it was his job. I got searched at two of three airports this weekend. I'm starting to think I'm getting racially profiled.


Nick said...

Too much funny stuff to really offer a comment on any one thing. I gues this means I'm just commenting to comment. If nothing else, you should know I'm reading. Good day.

Giraffe said...

Good to know that someone is still out there...

Roo said...

So why exactly was the purpose of the business trip?

Giraffe said...