Monday, July 17, 2006

The Honey Bucket Burgler

Can I be honest? Good. I’m going to reveal a little secret, a personal pet peeve of mine. Something I’m not sure whether I should be proud of or ashamed of, but here it is. I hate buying toilet paper. Not the physical act of purchasing toilet paper, but that fact that I have to pay money for thin sheets of paper to wipe my ass.

Why do I hate buying it? Because it’s paper. It seems like I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Free paper is everywhere. Community newspapers on the street corner. Restaurant napkins. Junk mail. Parade confetti. All of this paper is free. I guess I’m just too overexposed to free paper.

I know that compared to the other items I buy at the grocery store, toilet paper isn’t that expensive. Like, oven pizza, a jug of milk, toothpaste--each of these things is probably more expensive than toilet paper.

But for some reason, I feel more inclined to steal toilet paper from work, a port-o-john, or a public restroom than pay for it at the store. And I have. Yes, I know. I am an adult, with a job. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Mine is stealing toilet paper in times of need.

Here’s a realization: Maybe we’re not paying for the actual toilet paper; we’re paying for the process of wrapping it around the cardboard tube.


Meredith said...

Your post made my day. Please continue doing whatever it takes to acquired the toilet paper. Just promise to keep wiping your ass.

AH said...

It all goes back to sneaking into the dorms your first year out when you had to make the inevitable choice: TP or Beer? Beer of course, because you could sneak back into Hamilton Hall and steal 5 or 6 rolls of TP.