Ghetto Big Mac

How to cheaply assemble your own Ghetto Big Mac using items off the Dollar Menu. The Giraffe says, "Save some moneys!"

Vegas Twice in One Month?

As much a I tell my friends (and myself) how much I should quit poker, it's hard to follow through when every once and a while I win a large poker tournament (okay Hellmuth, at least large in my eyes). Poker takes up time that I wish I could spend reading, drawing, hanging with buddies, working on advertising projects to further my career. There are only so many free hours in a day.

Poker is streaky, and during the months when I am not winning much, I feel that maybe this is a bad, time-consuming hobby. I made a lot of money my senior year in college, but haven't made very much comparitively in the two years since graduating. I've recently reevaluated my playing style, what types of games I play in, and things like that.

I realized that in college I would play more large tournaments (5+ hours online). Nowadays, with a job and other activities, I haven't had many 5+ hour stretches of time to set aside for poker. But I'm trying to play more to where my strengths are, and I feel my game is on the upswing.

JJ introduced me to a local bar's tournament (40 or so person tourny where 5 make the money). I've only been five times, but I have made the money every time (1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 5th).

So, right now I'm feeling good. But the big question is this... Do I hop on a plane and play in The $10,000 Main Event of the World Series of Poker, which starts Friday-Sunday? Or do I take the money and pay off every single ounce of credit card debt?

As much as I would like to go to Vegas, the responsible side of me chooses to pay off my debts.

The Honey Bucket Burgler

Can I be honest? Good. I’m going to reveal a little secret, a personal pet peeve of mine. Something I’m not sure whether I should be proud of or ashamed of, but here it is. I hate buying toilet paper. Not the physical act of purchasing toilet paper, but that fact that I have to pay money for thin sheets of paper to wipe my ass.

Why do I hate buying it? Because it’s paper. It seems like I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Free paper is everywhere. Community newspapers on the street corner. Restaurant napkins. Junk mail. Parade confetti. All of this paper is free. I guess I’m just too overexposed to free paper.

I know that compared to the other items I buy at the grocery store, toilet paper isn’t that expensive. Like, oven pizza, a jug of milk, toothpaste--each of these things is probably more expensive than toilet paper.

But for some reason, I feel more inclined to steal toilet paper from work, a port-o-john, or a public restroom than pay for it at the store. And I have. Yes, I know. I am an adult, with a job. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. Mine is stealing toilet paper in times of need.

Here’s a realization: Maybe we’re not paying for the actual toilet paper; we’re paying for the process of wrapping it around the cardboard tube.

Hit me baby one more time

Ashlee Simpson got rid of her parrot nose and all of a sudden, she has jumped from a solid "8" to a debatable "10." We can even argue that she has usurped Jessica as the hottest sister. If Ashlee was in the NBA draft, we would be discussing her "upside"--younger, sluttier, writes her own songs, doesn't lip sync...wait was that her or Jessica? I can't even tell them apart these days.



Okay, let's try to figure out which Simp this is here... Blonde hair... Exposed cleavage... Wait a sec! Hold on! Black fingernails! Okay, that's Ashlee.

I saw her new video "Invisible" where she plays the most convincing boxer to ever where full makeup, high heels, and hair extentions in the ring. (Watch out Swank, if lip syncing pop stars could win Oscars for music videos, you'd be neck and neck in a catfight.)



Ashlee is totally stealing Jessica's signature moves. Blonde hair. Bad dancing. Singing against a wall and turning her head away to do a "side-pose" kind of thing. I wonder if the Simps all had a family dinner, and dad broke the news that Ash is the new cash cow. But Jess can still do chores to earn money, like mow the lawn, reply to Ash's fan mail, and maybe back up dance on the tour.

I always liked Ashlee before, because if I was ever in a bar/club/los angeles, I'd have a better shot with her than Jessica. Like a .0001% chance rather than a .0000% chance with Jessica. I'd totally go up and be all "Hey, do I know you from somewhere? Jesuit High, Portland, Oregon? Class of 2000? No? Hmm, you look really familiar, though... anyways, why don't you buy me a beer, babe. And none of that domestic shit. Microbrew me."

So what I guess I'm saying is that the times are changing. Be ready Jessica. If I run into you, you might just be lucky a get approached by me. Maybe.