Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Lord of the Ring

Ladies who are in long term relationships (LTRs) should be required to wear some sort of long-term relationship ring. It has a similar function as an engagement ring--to alert and deter. At bars and house parties, it would help single guys avoid wasting time on ladies who already have a man. I won’t waste time on you, and you won’t get approached by single guys trying to hit on girls.

This is probably a win-win situation for both people in the LTR. I’m sure girls wouldn’t mind receiving this jewelry gift from their boyfriend. And I’m sure most guys would be willing to spend a few bucks if it keeps sketchy dudes away from their girlfriend.

I think this is a modern version of what they did back in the fifties and sixties--pinning. Am I saying that right, pinning? To "pin" a girl? Like after the sock hop, you "pin" her jacket or something, and then she uses her rotary phone to tell her friend how "dreamy" you are? And then together they sing a two-part call-and-response song ending in dancing and jazz hands. I think this is right. I'm pretty sure something like this happened in Grease or Bye Bye Birdie.

Oh, one last note. All of us single guys got together and approved one exception to this new LTR ring policy. If you’re one of those girls who is in a relationship, but is actively searching for a better boyfriend, then you are allowed to leave the ring at home. But only if you are serious about cheating on your boyfriend. Slutty girls can do this to, just as long as your boyfriend is not at the bar/party and has no chance of kicking my ass.

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