I have been getting my hair cut at Supercuts for more than a decade, and I am almost always satisfied with their service. I have liked them for numerous reasons, some being:
1. They have lots of locations.
2. I can call in advance so that I don’t have to wait in line.
3. All of their employees know the same lingo and jargon (ie a #2 clippers is 2/8ths of an inch, #3 is 3/8ths, “scrounded in the back” is a mix of a square and rounded neckline trim). You might know what I’m talking about. You might not. All that matters is that the person cutting my hair does.
4. Lastly, all their employees are trained the same way at a Supercuts University (or something). They all have little degrees with their names posted next to the mirror in front of you while you sit.
For these reasons, I have been happy with my haircuts and with Supercuts in general.
That being said, I had the scariest haircut of my life on Friday. No joke. The end result was a normal haircut, but the means to the end were horrific. My blood pressure was the highest its ever been. I actually ran out of adrenaline. She seemed normal enough at first. The only employee working in an empty Supercuts on a Friday at 7pm.
She was polite enough, but I should have seen the little clues. Forgetting to put an apron on me before she almost started buzzing my hair. Losing the scissors twice. Asking me questions, only so she could jump in and tell me her answer. Apologizing for missing some spots and saying she’ll go back over them a second time. Flipping out/spaz-answering the phone when a customer was calling. Attacking my hair with her scissors, using what I have named the “swoop and clip full-arm cut” instead of a gentle squeeze, as the scissor manufacturers intended. Turning the chair so I was not facing the mirror. I COULD NOT SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING!
Near the end of the cut, after several panic attacks and a mild heart attack, I saw her Supercuts Diploma. First, let me say that I saw it because the chair wasn’t pointed at the mirror, but at a ninety-degree angle. Second, and most importantly, the date on the diploma was October 21, 2005. Yep that’s right. I got a rookie, two weeks out of school. Maybe that’s why she was working the crappy Friday night shift. I should have put all the pieces together quicker.
You know how in movies they say “the names have been changed to protect the innocent?” Well, I’m not changing her name. I want to help protect the innocent. Her name is Karolyn Jones. She cuts in the back left corner of the Beaverton Town Center Supercuts. She has squiggly brown hair. Beware.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had a sketchy cut at this specific Supercuts. I’ve only complained about this location. The other location in the area (185th and Walker) is excellent. Never made a complaint. Maybe they recruit the good hairdressers to the 185th store? I don’t know. Another weird coincidence is that the Burgerville one hundred yards from the bad Supercuts also has a bad track record. They are a Burgerville that trains new employees for the Portland area, and consistently takes forever and messes up orders. Long story short, stay away from Beaverton Town Center for all food/shopping/service needs.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
4 Facts You Need to Know to Survive
Coca-cola is the puppet master and I am their puppet. Coke is discontinuing Vanilla Coke in the next few months (I think by the end of 2005!). How can they do that to me?! They introduce a flavor I like, that I love, and then snatch the bottle away from me. No more Diet Vanilla or Diet with Lemon, either. Corporate bullshit if you ask me.
They are going to replace Vanilla in the spring with New Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. So I guess that okay, combining the forces of Cherry and Vanilla to make a new super cola. But I don’t like the arrogance and authority they nationally exercise.
And here’s another thing. The most recent Coke contest rewarded one in four bottle caps with a free liter bottle of Coke. A liter. A LITER. Think about that---a liter. How cocky is that? They give away a prize that A) no store carries in stock B) doesn’t fit in your car cup holder and C) is too bulky to carry around. Plus, who the hell drinks a whole LITER at once?
Those one in four contest are the devil. They could introduce New Broccoli Coke and I’d try it, as long as I was told that it was NEW, that it tasted good, and that I had a one in four chance of winning another New Broccoli Coke.
Anyway, New Black Cherry Vanilla Coke will soon be released with some type of sale or contest… one in four wins a free coke, or a trip to the final four. And I won’t want to, but I will try it. Dance, Matt, DANCE!!!
Being called by your given name, instead of your common name, sucks. Being called by your given name nine times within one minute by a complete stranger sucks forty fold. It angers you, it frustrates you, and it makes you want to yell at the person speaking.
Apparently this is the goal of the Wells Fargo branch located on NW 185th. They are trying to lose customers by over-personalizing the banking process. Every sentence the girl said to me either began with Matthew or ended with Matthew. Or both began AND ended with Matthew. (Grandma Giraffe doesn’t even call me Matthew. Nobody does. Seriously, nobody.)
I was a little T-O-ed when Safeway started ending the checkout process with “Thank you Mr… ahhhhh… Graff. You saved… ummm… 11% today.” Now I only wish, hope, and pray that Wells Fargo reverts to this single-name-identifying strategy. From now on, I’m using the drive through ATM for all banking needs. No more humans.
Alarm clocks are not your friend. I’m working again. Well, I’m freelancing, actually. This is kind of a good way of easing myself back into the working world. But let me tell you, sleeping in almost every day of the week is something that I am going to miss. Unemployment does have an upside, and it is called Sleep. I can’t even begin to find the value of planning to wake up “oh I don’t know, some time between nine and noon, probably.” Stupid alarm clock.
Motor tricycles are going to be all the rage in 2007. Don’t ask me why I know. Don’t ask me how I know. Just know that I know. And remember 16 months from now, that you read it here.
They are going to replace Vanilla in the spring with New Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. So I guess that okay, combining the forces of Cherry and Vanilla to make a new super cola. But I don’t like the arrogance and authority they nationally exercise.
And here’s another thing. The most recent Coke contest rewarded one in four bottle caps with a free liter bottle of Coke. A liter. A LITER. Think about that---a liter. How cocky is that? They give away a prize that A) no store carries in stock B) doesn’t fit in your car cup holder and C) is too bulky to carry around. Plus, who the hell drinks a whole LITER at once?
Those one in four contest are the devil. They could introduce New Broccoli Coke and I’d try it, as long as I was told that it was NEW, that it tasted good, and that I had a one in four chance of winning another New Broccoli Coke.
Anyway, New Black Cherry Vanilla Coke will soon be released with some type of sale or contest… one in four wins a free coke, or a trip to the final four. And I won’t want to, but I will try it. Dance, Matt, DANCE!!!
Being called by your given name, instead of your common name, sucks. Being called by your given name nine times within one minute by a complete stranger sucks forty fold. It angers you, it frustrates you, and it makes you want to yell at the person speaking.
Apparently this is the goal of the Wells Fargo branch located on NW 185th. They are trying to lose customers by over-personalizing the banking process. Every sentence the girl said to me either began with Matthew or ended with Matthew. Or both began AND ended with Matthew. (Grandma Giraffe doesn’t even call me Matthew. Nobody does. Seriously, nobody.)
I was a little T-O-ed when Safeway started ending the checkout process with “Thank you Mr… ahhhhh… Graff. You saved… ummm… 11% today.” Now I only wish, hope, and pray that Wells Fargo reverts to this single-name-identifying strategy. From now on, I’m using the drive through ATM for all banking needs. No more humans.
Alarm clocks are not your friend. I’m working again. Well, I’m freelancing, actually. This is kind of a good way of easing myself back into the working world. But let me tell you, sleeping in almost every day of the week is something that I am going to miss. Unemployment does have an upside, and it is called Sleep. I can’t even begin to find the value of planning to wake up “oh I don’t know, some time between nine and noon, probably.” Stupid alarm clock.
Motor tricycles are going to be all the rage in 2007. Don’t ask me why I know. Don’t ask me how I know. Just know that I know. And remember 16 months from now, that you read it here.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Gross!!!
So last night, JJ and I were waiting to turn left at a stoplight, and the girl in the car next to us totally picked her nose..... AND ATE IT! She dug deep. She really got in there good. She picked, then she licked. She picked and licked. And let me tell you, JJ was grossed out. Seriously sickened by the whole event. I wasn't as disgusted, but then again, I was driving and wasn't right next to her car.
And I thought, why didn't she disguise it? She could have covered with the other hand, right? Why didn’t she wait until she got somewhere more private, like at home or in a bathroom? Maybe she thought she WAS safe in her car. I mean I’ve gotten caught singing in the car, and that’s a little embarrassing. Being caught gold-mining must be ten times worse. But you dig your own grave. (Pun alert—DIG your own grave. Get it? DIG! *insert rimshot*)
So I did some quick research, I mean I am working right now, but I found this site that has some stats from two studies of “rhinotillexomania,” the fancy name for nose-picking. 8% of people say they’ve never picked, those liars. And 8% admit to the pick and lick. So now you know. Every time you’re at a stoplight, look to the car next to you. There’s an 8% chance that they’re a picker/eater. That means you’re idling next to a picker/eater once every twelve lights. One in twelve. Now all you have to do is wait, watch, and catch them in the act. And then honk honk honk point point point.
And I thought, why didn't she disguise it? She could have covered with the other hand, right? Why didn’t she wait until she got somewhere more private, like at home or in a bathroom? Maybe she thought she WAS safe in her car. I mean I’ve gotten caught singing in the car, and that’s a little embarrassing. Being caught gold-mining must be ten times worse. But you dig your own grave. (Pun alert—DIG your own grave. Get it? DIG! *insert rimshot*)
So I did some quick research, I mean I am working right now, but I found this site that has some stats from two studies of “rhinotillexomania,” the fancy name for nose-picking. 8% of people say they’ve never picked, those liars. And 8% admit to the pick and lick. So now you know. Every time you’re at a stoplight, look to the car next to you. There’s an 8% chance that they’re a picker/eater. That means you’re idling next to a picker/eater once every twelve lights. One in twelve. Now all you have to do is wait, watch, and catch them in the act. And then honk honk honk point point point.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Slicing and Dicing
So I carved some pumpkins with my brother Chris. Here's how they turned out. We have Pocket Aces, Mike from Monster's Inc. and, what else, a Giraffe.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Let's play Dress-Up
Okay, so Halloween is coming up in a couple of days, and I'm trying to figure out what costume to wear this year. Last year I was a toilet.
Here are some ideas on my list so far:
1) A U of O Graduate--pretty much a hippie with a tassle
2) Foosball (Table Soccer) Player--one of those small red or blue guys attached to the pole
3) A trucker--mullet, Ashton hat, and a cut-off flannel shirt
4) UPS Delivery Guy--I did this one five years ago, but I would add the tight brown shorts and thigh-high socks this time
So, what are your thoughts? Or do you have any other ideas? Or cool ones you've seen at a party?
Here are some ideas on my list so far:
1) A U of O Graduate--pretty much a hippie with a tassle
2) Foosball (Table Soccer) Player--one of those small red or blue guys attached to the pole
3) A trucker--mullet, Ashton hat, and a cut-off flannel shirt
4) UPS Delivery Guy--I did this one five years ago, but I would add the tight brown shorts and thigh-high socks this time
So, what are your thoughts? Or do you have any other ideas? Or cool ones you've seen at a party?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Flat Tire Blues
No “flat tire” story ever goes this:
“So I was driving on a mildly warm Saturday afternoon, when I got a flat. I said, ‘Gosh darnit. Fricken A.’ Luckily I was next to parking lot, and I pulled in. By pure luck, a AAA truck guy was eating lunch in his truck, I waved him over, and he happily agreed to help me. Whole thing took five minutes, tops.”
Not that there’s anything over the top about that story. No Playmates were involved, no findings of a fifty-dollar bill or winning scratch-it tickets.
It’s just that in my experience, changing a tire doesn’t involve sunny weather (or daylight for the most part), quick response of AAA (if called), or an adequate shoulder to pull off a freeway. It is a time-consuming process that happens at the worst time and gets your clothes dirty. And it usually involves a small amount of swearing.
I’ve had a few bad ones:
1) The time back in high school when I got a flat on the first day of owning my car. And having learn how to change a tire for the first time, on gravel and on a hill nonetheless.
2) The time I had a blowout on I-5, pulled over to the gravel shoulder, had a RATTLESNAKE greet me while I was lying on the ground! Yeah that was fun. Not to mention semi trucks blazing by at 70 mph three feet from me. Always a safe feeling.
3) The time we were driving to our Wednesday night poker game on a rainy night in Eugene. I pulled into a Red Lion parking lot to change a tire in the rain and got drenched. Had local rent-a-cops, Securitas, question what I was doing. What does it look like I’m doing at nine at night in the rain under my car with a jack and a lug wrench? F U Securitas. Oh and having Kirk, Jolly, and Hocka watch me change the tire in the rain. I don’t know if I ever thanked you all for your help.
4) So that brings us to last night. JJ and I drove to our casino, Chips Casino, up in La Center, WA. (Talk to Will, mention our names, and he’ll hook you up.) Anyways, it’s 2am and we’re on the highway a quarter-mile heading out of town and we hear “that noise.” Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Awwww fuccccckkk.
Nowadays, I have AAA, for situations just like this. We call and then say they can probably be there in an hour. I decide that I’m too tired and impatient to wait that long, turn them down, and try a go at it myself. After getting out the jack, cranking down the spare from under the car, and all that stuff, I find that my new Explorer has independent rear suspension, not your regular wheel-and-axle setup. Well crap, I don’t know exactly where to put the jack, and I don’t want the car crashing down on me, so fuck it. We drive back a quarter-mile to the casino, park in front, and wait an hour for AAA. Didn't get home until after 4am.
But there is some good news to this story I guess. JJ went back into the casino to play Pai Gow for that hour, and won back most of the money he lost earlier playing poker. And today, Les Schwab Tires didn’t charge anything to fix the hole in the tire. Les Schwab rocks.
Giraffe. What.
“So I was driving on a mildly warm Saturday afternoon, when I got a flat. I said, ‘Gosh darnit. Fricken A.’ Luckily I was next to parking lot, and I pulled in. By pure luck, a AAA truck guy was eating lunch in his truck, I waved him over, and he happily agreed to help me. Whole thing took five minutes, tops.”
Not that there’s anything over the top about that story. No Playmates were involved, no findings of a fifty-dollar bill or winning scratch-it tickets.
It’s just that in my experience, changing a tire doesn’t involve sunny weather (or daylight for the most part), quick response of AAA (if called), or an adequate shoulder to pull off a freeway. It is a time-consuming process that happens at the worst time and gets your clothes dirty. And it usually involves a small amount of swearing.
I’ve had a few bad ones:
1) The time back in high school when I got a flat on the first day of owning my car. And having learn how to change a tire for the first time, on gravel and on a hill nonetheless.
2) The time I had a blowout on I-5, pulled over to the gravel shoulder, had a RATTLESNAKE greet me while I was lying on the ground! Yeah that was fun. Not to mention semi trucks blazing by at 70 mph three feet from me. Always a safe feeling.
3) The time we were driving to our Wednesday night poker game on a rainy night in Eugene. I pulled into a Red Lion parking lot to change a tire in the rain and got drenched. Had local rent-a-cops, Securitas, question what I was doing. What does it look like I’m doing at nine at night in the rain under my car with a jack and a lug wrench? F U Securitas. Oh and having Kirk, Jolly, and Hocka watch me change the tire in the rain. I don’t know if I ever thanked you all for your help.
4) So that brings us to last night. JJ and I drove to our casino, Chips Casino, up in La Center, WA. (Talk to Will, mention our names, and he’ll hook you up.) Anyways, it’s 2am and we’re on the highway a quarter-mile heading out of town and we hear “that noise.” Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Awwww fuccccckkk.
Nowadays, I have AAA, for situations just like this. We call and then say they can probably be there in an hour. I decide that I’m too tired and impatient to wait that long, turn them down, and try a go at it myself. After getting out the jack, cranking down the spare from under the car, and all that stuff, I find that my new Explorer has independent rear suspension, not your regular wheel-and-axle setup. Well crap, I don’t know exactly where to put the jack, and I don’t want the car crashing down on me, so fuck it. We drive back a quarter-mile to the casino, park in front, and wait an hour for AAA. Didn't get home until after 4am.
But there is some good news to this story I guess. JJ went back into the casino to play Pai Gow for that hour, and won back most of the money he lost earlier playing poker. And today, Les Schwab Tires didn’t charge anything to fix the hole in the tire. Les Schwab rocks.
Giraffe. What.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Hoop Dreams
So I started a basketball team at my family's athletic club, the SAC. The team is composed of JJ and Terry (my roommates), Brian (college roommate), Houston and CD (old co-workers), Bryan and Jack (highschool friend and his friend), and myself. The eight of us are LOS WOMBATS.
Last night was our first game. This week, some people had some conflicts. One had to work, one had family in town, one was on vacation, and one had concert tickets. That left only four of us to play the game. Terry, Jack, CD, and I were ready for the challenge.
Not only was the other team younger than us (young college-aged guys), but there were nine of them. We played them four on five AND THEY HAD FOUR SUBS. This didn't phase us. After some positive thinking, strategizing, and successful practice shots, we were ready for them.
Two minutes into the game, we let 8-5. That's right youngins, you are about to get whooped by four random dudes.
Long story short, we lost 95-42. In a 50 minute game, we couldn't compete with one less man and no subs. I was happy with my playing. I made some good shots, some good passes. I made 3 of 4 foul shots. I decided not to dunk this game. I didn't think it would be the right thing to do at a family athletic club. Maybe next game. I pretty much played my ass off and carried this team.
The other guys on my team played well too.
Also, we have sweet green and white reversible jerseys.
Last night was our first game. This week, some people had some conflicts. One had to work, one had family in town, one was on vacation, and one had concert tickets. That left only four of us to play the game. Terry, Jack, CD, and I were ready for the challenge.
Not only was the other team younger than us (young college-aged guys), but there were nine of them. We played them four on five AND THEY HAD FOUR SUBS. This didn't phase us. After some positive thinking, strategizing, and successful practice shots, we were ready for them.
Two minutes into the game, we let 8-5. That's right youngins, you are about to get whooped by four random dudes.
Long story short, we lost 95-42. In a 50 minute game, we couldn't compete with one less man and no subs. I was happy with my playing. I made some good shots, some good passes. I made 3 of 4 foul shots. I decided not to dunk this game. I didn't think it would be the right thing to do at a family athletic club. Maybe next game. I pretty much played my ass off and carried this team.
The other guys on my team played well too.
Also, we have sweet green and white reversible jerseys.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I like cookie dough
#1. They are making an OC video game. Repeat: Attention Jolly, Attention Pedro: AN OC VIDEO GAME. No more waiting for Marissa to hook up with her girlfriend. No more waiting for Seth to sail to Portland on the Columbia. No more questioning if Ryan is the father; you can create the baby's mamma drama with the new OC video game! The article says that it will be like The Sims. Bonus-- you can create your own character! I'm making my character look like Jolly, giving him a nickname "The Falcon," and seeing how the OC treats him, bitch.
#2. Phase one of DeckFest 2005 is done. I will be staining it tomorrow, and then ripping apart the other side on Thursday. At least it looks like a deck now. And look at that kick-ass bench I made. Easy on the eyes, easy on the ass.
#3. I forgot how much I like eating cookie dough. Back in college, Kirk and I would buy those Tollhouse ready to bake cube cookies, and then just eat them. Ahhhh, soooo goood.
#2. Phase one of DeckFest 2005 is done. I will be staining it tomorrow, and then ripping apart the other side on Thursday. At least it looks like a deck now. And look at that kick-ass bench I made. Easy on the eyes, easy on the ass.
#3. I forgot how much I like eating cookie dough. Back in college, Kirk and I would buy those Tollhouse ready to bake cube cookies, and then just eat them. Ahhhh, soooo goood.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
All Decked Out
Oh man. Building a deck by one's self is a long, hard process.
Seriously, I've put so many hours into this deck, and all it looks like is open and airy framing. Tomorrow morning I start laying the actual cedar decking that goes on top of all the digging, leveling, measuring, cutting, hammering, and framing. I've done 80% of the work, but the last 20% is the part that makes the deck look like, well, a deck. Here's what I have so far...
And that is only the first half of the project! I have 500 sq feet down, 400 sq feet to go.
So, if anyone who lives in Portland wants to lend a couple hours of help in the next couple weeks (this means you--Brian, Andy, CD, Kool-Aid, Houston), my mom said she'd make some spaghetti or order a pizza. Beer could maybe be arranged with ample notification.
Seriously, I've put so many hours into this deck, and all it looks like is open and airy framing. Tomorrow morning I start laying the actual cedar decking that goes on top of all the digging, leveling, measuring, cutting, hammering, and framing. I've done 80% of the work, but the last 20% is the part that makes the deck look like, well, a deck. Here's what I have so far...
And that is only the first half of the project! I have 500 sq feet down, 400 sq feet to go.
So, if anyone who lives in Portland wants to lend a couple hours of help in the next couple weeks (this means you--Brian, Andy, CD, Kool-Aid, Houston), my mom said she'd make some spaghetti or order a pizza. Beer could maybe be arranged with ample notification.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Four-Day Weekend Randomness
Wow. What a busy weekend. Went to Salem on Friday and went golfing. Went to Corvallis on Saturday to the OSU-PSU football game. Went up to Washington to go golfing on Sunday. And then stayed in town today and helped demolish my parents deck today. Anyway here are some random thoughts...
Two words I realize I say incorrectly, but do nothing to correct them:
TENNA SHOES-- Tennis shoes. I guess the "S" at the end of tennis gets lost in the mix? And I use this term for all athletic shoes. I don't think I own an actual pair of tennis shoes, but b-ball shoes, running shoes...
McMINIMUM'S-- McMenamin's. A local family chain of cool restaurants, movie theaters, and bars. We actually know the McMenamins, but I always say it wrong, and Houston has called me on in, multiple times.
So I went to QFC, a grocery store, around midnight and bought a) a 12-pack of Pop-tarts and b) a 20-oz Vanilla Coke, the Coke to drink now and the 'tarts for breakfast in the car early in the morning. The check out girl Jacqui, a blonde ditz, asks if I found everything okay, I say "yep, just the essentials." And then she scans the 'tarts and says in a loud, disgusted valley voice, "Ooo gross, Pop-Tarts are soooo disgusting." What? Since when are the grocery checkers told to give positive and negative feedback about customer purchases? It just ticked me off. I am thinking of saying something to the manager.
Lastly, OSU might not have a winning football program this year, but they finally have a real football stadium. And not one made of metal bleachers! Not saying I jumped ship, I'm a duck goddamnit. But Reser Stadium finally looks good. Luxury suites, two levels of seating, and the student section running the entire length of the field.
...okay and I know that unimployed people don't really have weekends, let alone three-day weekends, but this one felt like a four-day weekend.
Two words I realize I say incorrectly, but do nothing to correct them:
TENNA SHOES-- Tennis shoes. I guess the "S" at the end of tennis gets lost in the mix? And I use this term for all athletic shoes. I don't think I own an actual pair of tennis shoes, but b-ball shoes, running shoes...
McMINIMUM'S-- McMenamin's. A local family chain of cool restaurants, movie theaters, and bars. We actually know the McMenamins, but I always say it wrong, and Houston has called me on in, multiple times.
So I went to QFC, a grocery store, around midnight and bought a) a 12-pack of Pop-tarts and b) a 20-oz Vanilla Coke, the Coke to drink now and the 'tarts for breakfast in the car early in the morning. The check out girl Jacqui, a blonde ditz, asks if I found everything okay, I say "yep, just the essentials." And then she scans the 'tarts and says in a loud, disgusted valley voice, "Ooo gross, Pop-Tarts are soooo disgusting." What? Since when are the grocery checkers told to give positive and negative feedback about customer purchases? It just ticked me off. I am thinking of saying something to the manager.
Lastly, OSU might not have a winning football program this year, but they finally have a real football stadium. And not one made of metal bleachers! Not saying I jumped ship, I'm a duck goddamnit. But Reser Stadium finally looks good. Luxury suites, two levels of seating, and the student section running the entire length of the field.
...okay and I know that unimployed people don't really have weekends, let alone three-day weekends, but this one felt like a four-day weekend.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Lightning Striking Again!
Did ya see it? Did ya? On ESPN2, "The Dos"? Did you see it? Cause I did. I saw hope. I saw the hope of a winning season. So you did see my boys, the Ducks, out there whooping some tail in Texas.
Did you see my boy, Martinez, and his golden foot? You know I've always been talking about how reliable he can be in the clutch, don't you? Well, did you see how his right shoe kept the Duckies in the game the first half? How he scored five field goals, tieing a school record? Heck, I think he hooked that one just so that he could share the record. That's how nice a kid my boy Marty is.
Did you see my boy, Stewert, straight outta middle school? The kid's so young he has to drive with a parent sitting shotgun. Yet he hoists up three linebackers up on his shoulders, carries them downfield, and turns a 5 yard push up the middle into a 33 yard strongman competition.
Did you see my boys, the receivers? My boy, D-Will, getting 130+ yards, but come on we all expected that. My boy, Colvin, stepping up as a sophmore. That's De La Salle High School for ya, they teach them boys how to play. (By the way, he's my boy also cause we both were born in Pittsburg, Cali. Pre-school in Oakland, represent, what.) And my boy, Dante, caught a TD. He stepped up from the backfield to a tight end in this new offense (really? okay, i guess everything is a little wierd with nine receivers lining up at once).
And I know you saw my boy, Clemens. Did you see his 348 passing yards? And his team leading 72 rushing yards? His two TD passes sans interceptions? Seriously, zero INT-s, none. Heck, he even let his little buddy Dixon do the QB dive from the 1-yard line for the touchdown. That's just how my boy, Kell, is--unselfish. The only thing he didn't do was receive a TD pass, and I could swear I saw Bellotti trying to put him in as a wideout while Dixon was snapping. But Kell, you know him, he said, "Put J-Kent in. Coach, let's get Lil' Ernie a pass."
I've always said that Clemens kid was something special. Last year, every time he threw an interception (10) or got sacked (40), I would reassure whoever I was with not to worry, this kid still has a good year in him. Have faith, cause this he has vision. He can run. He can throw. He can lead. I've been saying all along, he's the next Joey Heisman.
(btw, what ever happened to my boy, Jason Fifeman?)
Did you see my boy, Martinez, and his golden foot? You know I've always been talking about how reliable he can be in the clutch, don't you? Well, did you see how his right shoe kept the Duckies in the game the first half? How he scored five field goals, tieing a school record? Heck, I think he hooked that one just so that he could share the record. That's how nice a kid my boy Marty is.
Did you see my boy, Stewert, straight outta middle school? The kid's so young he has to drive with a parent sitting shotgun. Yet he hoists up three linebackers up on his shoulders, carries them downfield, and turns a 5 yard push up the middle into a 33 yard strongman competition.
Did you see my boys, the receivers? My boy, D-Will, getting 130+ yards, but come on we all expected that. My boy, Colvin, stepping up as a sophmore. That's De La Salle High School for ya, they teach them boys how to play. (By the way, he's my boy also cause we both were born in Pittsburg, Cali. Pre-school in Oakland, represent, what.) And my boy, Dante, caught a TD. He stepped up from the backfield to a tight end in this new offense (really? okay, i guess everything is a little wierd with nine receivers lining up at once).
And I know you saw my boy, Clemens. Did you see his 348 passing yards? And his team leading 72 rushing yards? His two TD passes sans interceptions? Seriously, zero INT-s, none. Heck, he even let his little buddy Dixon do the QB dive from the 1-yard line for the touchdown. That's just how my boy, Kell, is--unselfish. The only thing he didn't do was receive a TD pass, and I could swear I saw Bellotti trying to put him in as a wideout while Dixon was snapping. But Kell, you know him, he said, "Put J-Kent in. Coach, let's get Lil' Ernie a pass."
I've always said that Clemens kid was something special. Last year, every time he threw an interception (10) or got sacked (40), I would reassure whoever I was with not to worry, this kid still has a good year in him. Have faith, cause this he has vision. He can run. He can throw. He can lead. I've been saying all along, he's the next Joey Heisman.
(btw, what ever happened to my boy, Jason Fifeman?)
Friday, August 19, 2005
Blaze, Laser, and Blazer....
Okay so there's an article on today's ESPN Page 2 by Kieran Darcy about how he is fed up with reality television. He's sick and tired of the Corals and the Trishelles and watching them compete. When all he wants to see is a new version of American Gladiators. And I agree. I loved, LOVED, that tennis ball game, Assault. Contestants running, using the crossbow and the Nerf-zooka. Oh man. And a couple years back, USA would run repeats during the lunch hour. (Now, semi-unimployed people like Holland and I are left with only Dawson's or Charmed to choose from.)
So read this article on ESPN.com
Then sign this petition to bring American Gladiators back.
And then maybe post some of your fondest memories of the Gladiator Games. I know Peter loved The Gauntlet, and Jolly, do you remember the game where the crawl-raced upside down on that winding track thing? Ah man, that was great.
So read this article on ESPN.com
Then sign this petition to bring American Gladiators back.
And then maybe post some of your fondest memories of the Gladiator Games. I know Peter loved The Gauntlet, and Jolly, do you remember the game where the crawl-raced upside down on that winding track thing? Ah man, that was great.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
A Change for the Better
Due to recent comments and concerns, the GiRAFFe blog will no longer be a personal documentation to my weekly thoughts and actions. In sponsorship with National Geographic Northwest (NGNW) and cooperation with Wikipedia, this blog will now feature weekly postings of pictures of and facts about giraffes.
The Giraffe (Giraffa camelopardalis) is an even-toed ungulate mammal, the tallest of all land living animal species. Males can be 4.8 to 5.5 metres (16 to 18 feet) tall and weigh up to 900 kilograms (2000 pounds).
Native to Africa, the Giraffe is related to deer and cattle, but is placed in a separate family, the Giraffidae, consisting only of the giraffe and its closest relative, the Okapi.
Giraffes are famous for their long necks which allow them to browse on the leaves of trees, and elongated forelegs (which are much longer than the hind legs).
For more information about giraffes, this week's links is Wikipedia, the online community's free encyclopedia.
Giraffa camelopardalis. What.
The Giraffe (Giraffa camelopardalis) is an even-toed ungulate mammal, the tallest of all land living animal species. Males can be 4.8 to 5.5 metres (16 to 18 feet) tall and weigh up to 900 kilograms (2000 pounds).
Native to Africa, the Giraffe is related to deer and cattle, but is placed in a separate family, the Giraffidae, consisting only of the giraffe and its closest relative, the Okapi.
Giraffes are famous for their long necks which allow them to browse on the leaves of trees, and elongated forelegs (which are much longer than the hind legs).
For more information about giraffes, this week's links is Wikipedia, the online community's free encyclopedia.
Giraffa camelopardalis. What.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
I FUCKIN need you more than evvaaarrr!
My roommate JJ and I met up with Andy and one of his ladyfriends. Now I was fortunate enough to buy the tickets early and JJ and I sat at a cabaret table in the front row right next to the stage. Oh how I wish these could be my seats for, I don’t know, a Brittney concert, a Spice Girl concert, hell even a Hillary Duff concert, but still, these were prime seats.
So Dan interacted with the crowd in between medleys, and at one point came over and talked to JJ. Asked his name, where he was from, and then dedicated the next set of songs to JJ--and then they starting singing some Salt n Peppa songs “Shoop” “Whatta Man” and so on. (Can I get some fries with that shake shake booty, if looks could kill you would be a FUCKIN cutie, your a shotgun bang, JJ what's up with that thang?")
Now Dan is a very good singer, he can easily carry a tune. But what is awesome is all the sexual gestures he does during some very innocent love songs. Crotch grabs, hip thrusts, the whole lot. His two backup singer guys were dressed like accountants--glasses, suits, looked very boring, but they were doing the cheesiest “backup singer” moves behind Dan. Whatever was appropriate to the song, like during “I’m a slave for you” there are two accountants trusting and acting like seductress slaves in the back, and during “Geenie in bottle” doing harem belly dancing.
This show has to go down as one of the best I’ve seen. Yes, I’ve been to a lot of concerts, with big name bands. But this low-budg, let’s have some fun, make some sex jokes, sing women’s songs, and make everyone laugh style was ridiculously awesome. I’m going to tell everyone I see in the next three weeks about this concert. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to share a concert experience so much.
They have a live cd out that you can buy from their website. I don’t recommend it though. The site says they have a dvd coming out this fall. You really need to experience both the visual and audible performance to enjoy the whole package. Go to the website, and there is an “extras” page with videos, watch them.
“Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m FUCKIN falling apart, nothing I can say, total eclipse of the heart.”
Monday, July 25, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Just Call Me Tony MoHawk
So today was the big huge 10k Nike Run Hit Wonder in Portland! I was joined by Mike "Speedy" Houston, the Tim "The Cheetah" Messa, and Andy "Mac Truck" Holland. We all ran, we all lived.
Here are some images:
Here are some images:
Friday, July 15, 2005
Because I've got a Golden Ticket...
I've got a golden chance to make my way. And with a golden ticket it's a golden day!!!!
So Drew and I just got back from the new Wonka movie. Go see it. It's good. Anything Tim Burton touches is gold, gold I tell you! Depp was pretty good. Maybe his character just seemed odd, but I guess he was good at being that odd character. He was better in Pirates, and Sleepy Hollow, and Fear and Loathing, and Donnie Brasco, and Eddy Scissors. But he was still good in this.
The umpa lumpas are way different. There songs are all modern and produced. I kinda like the old songs better. And not just the umpa songs, but the golden ticket song, and the way Gene Wilder was freaking everyone out with his song on the boat...Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Okay but here are some thoughts on the trailers that we saw right before the new Wonka movie.
#1 STEALTH. This movie will suck. Oh no, the plane with the most destructive weapons ever has a mind of it's own! This is crazy. Good idea on paper, bad movie on the screen. It has Jessica Biel in it. Since she left Seventh Heaven, she's done what?--Blade 4? And Jamie Foxx filmed this before Ray, I heard. He should take his Oscar money, and pay for this movie to not be released. And back to the plane--How does it refuel? Can artificial intelligence apply for a Visa card and then use it at the pump?
So Drew and I just got back from the new Wonka movie. Go see it. It's good. Anything Tim Burton touches is gold, gold I tell you! Depp was pretty good. Maybe his character just seemed odd, but I guess he was good at being that odd character. He was better in Pirates, and Sleepy Hollow, and Fear and Loathing, and Donnie Brasco, and Eddy Scissors. But he was still good in this.
The umpa lumpas are way different. There songs are all modern and produced. I kinda like the old songs better. And not just the umpa songs, but the golden ticket song, and the way Gene Wilder was freaking everyone out with his song on the boat...Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Okay but here are some thoughts on the trailers that we saw right before the new Wonka movie.
#1 STEALTH. This movie will suck. Oh no, the plane with the most destructive weapons ever has a mind of it's own! This is crazy. Good idea on paper, bad movie on the screen. It has Jessica Biel in it. Since she left Seventh Heaven, she's done what?--Blade 4? And Jamie Foxx filmed this before Ray, I heard. He should take his Oscar money, and pay for this movie to not be released. And back to the plane--How does it refuel? Can artificial intelligence apply for a Visa card and then use it at the pump?
#2 THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED. Golf movie from Disney, based on a true story. A child plays in the US Open. Preview looked good. Good date movie. Good family movie. This will probably go with Disney's list--The Rookie, Remember the Titans, and Miracle. My boy Shia LeBeouf plays the main character, and let me tell you, this kid is good. He played Louis Stevens, from the Disney Channel Series "Even Stevens." I loved that show, seriously. They shouldn't have cancelled it. Also, he was in I Robot, and my brother and sister said he was good in another Disney movie called "Holes." I never saw it, but I trust the sibs.
#3 WALLACE AND GROMMIT, THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT. New claymation movie. Same old great cast of Wallace, the inventor dude, and his trusty dog sidekick Grommit. Trailer looked awesome. If you liked their show, you'll like this movie. Shout out to my buddy, P. Dudd. This movie is for you.
And last but not least....
#4 Wanna Fanta? Dontcha wanna? Wanna Fanta. Wanna Fanta.
#3 WALLACE AND GROMMIT, THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT. New claymation movie. Same old great cast of Wallace, the inventor dude, and his trusty dog sidekick Grommit. Trailer looked awesome. If you liked their show, you'll like this movie. Shout out to my buddy, P. Dudd. This movie is for you.
And last but not least....
#4 Wanna Fanta? Dontcha wanna? Wanna Fanta. Wanna Fanta.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
What did the Giraffe eat today?
That's the topic of discussion all around the jungle. Hyenas are asking. Lions are asking. Those deer-like things with the pointy horns are asking. So, what is The Giraffe eating?
A whole lotta tortilla chips, top ramen, and PB+J (I think that's how peanut butter and jelly would be spelled if they opened an ad agency: PB+J).
So what is new in Matt's CD player?
"Be" The new CD from Common. If you've never heard of him, he's a Chicago rapper. Very lyrical, about real issues. His newest CD is produced by Kanye, so if you like Kanye-type beats, then you'll love this CD.
"Monkey Business" by Black Eyed Peas. Don't Phunk with Hockaday's Heart is a classic. There's a song where they sample Jack Johnson, kinda works, kinda weird, because it's a song from like two years ago. There's a song with a James Brown hook, very groovy. Buy this CD, it's good. Here's something I've wondered about BEP now that they have massive success: What do Taboo and Apl feel about their roles in the group. Will is the main singer/rapper/producer and dominantly raps almost all the songs. Fergie sings on all the tracks. So the other two rappers sometimes don't even get their voices on all the tracks. And if they do, they go "Baby girl you make me feeelll. You know you make me feel so reallll. I love you more than sex appealll." And Taboo, those are your only words in the single off the new album. I'm not knocking him, but back in the day he got one third of the rhymes, now he gets to rhyme Real with Feel and Appeal.
"Demon Days" Gorillaz. Feel Good Inc. is a good single. All Alone is another one. What I like is the idea that The Gorillaz is an animated band. All the music is made by Damon Alburn, former frontman of Blur, and the band and all visual materials are animated by Jamie Hewlett. Watch the video, seriously.
Hey Rancher, you ain't the only one who learned how to read. I recently finished "The Green" by Troon McAllister. It's a fictional golf story about the American captain of The Ryder Cup picking a golf hustler to play on the team. It's written very well; it's a fast read. If you liked any of the Rick Reilly golf books, you'll like this better. I'm buying a copy for my dad for his birthday next week. And Nate, unfortunately, the only picture is on the cover.
A whole lotta tortilla chips, top ramen, and PB+J (I think that's how peanut butter and jelly would be spelled if they opened an ad agency: PB+J).
So what is new in Matt's CD player?
"Be" The new CD from Common. If you've never heard of him, he's a Chicago rapper. Very lyrical, about real issues. His newest CD is produced by Kanye, so if you like Kanye-type beats, then you'll love this CD.
"Monkey Business" by Black Eyed Peas. Don't Phunk with Hockaday's Heart is a classic. There's a song where they sample Jack Johnson, kinda works, kinda weird, because it's a song from like two years ago. There's a song with a James Brown hook, very groovy. Buy this CD, it's good. Here's something I've wondered about BEP now that they have massive success: What do Taboo and Apl feel about their roles in the group. Will is the main singer/rapper/producer and dominantly raps almost all the songs. Fergie sings on all the tracks. So the other two rappers sometimes don't even get their voices on all the tracks. And if they do, they go "Baby girl you make me feeelll. You know you make me feel so reallll. I love you more than sex appealll." And Taboo, those are your only words in the single off the new album. I'm not knocking him, but back in the day he got one third of the rhymes, now he gets to rhyme Real with Feel and Appeal.
"Demon Days" Gorillaz. Feel Good Inc. is a good single. All Alone is another one. What I like is the idea that The Gorillaz is an animated band. All the music is made by Damon Alburn, former frontman of Blur, and the band and all visual materials are animated by Jamie Hewlett. Watch the video, seriously.
Hey Rancher, you ain't the only one who learned how to read. I recently finished "The Green" by Troon McAllister. It's a fictional golf story about the American captain of The Ryder Cup picking a golf hustler to play on the team. It's written very well; it's a fast read. If you liked any of the Rick Reilly golf books, you'll like this better. I'm buying a copy for my dad for his birthday next week. And Nate, unfortunately, the only picture is on the cover.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Onward and Upward
So last night I met with my buddy and advertising guide, Mike, and we had a good conversation about what I need to do to land the art directing job that I want to get. (You might have heard Mike's "Turtle Song"...he's kind of a celeb within the Portland ad community.) We looked at everything I already had in my portfolio, decided what worked and didn't work, what needed revising, and what needed to be removed. I really respect what Mike has to say, because he went through this whole process a year or two ago.
What it seems like I need to do is totally immerse myself in improving my book by reading layout and typography books, cutting out cool illustrations in magazines and pinning them up on a wall, thumbing through the advertising annuals, people watching, and just overtime-working the creative parts of my mind.
You may be asking, "But Matt, how will you be able to make car payments, college loans, and rent without having a job?" Well, starting in a week, I will be collecting unimployment checks. This last for up to six months until I find work. The checks are not quite, but almost enough to cover most of my monthly bills, so while looking for work, I'll use the next few months to remake my portfolio. I also might be able make a couple bucks from my parents by rebuilding their deck. And then there's always online poker. So we'll see how the next few months go.
What it seems like I need to do is totally immerse myself in improving my book by reading layout and typography books, cutting out cool illustrations in magazines and pinning them up on a wall, thumbing through the advertising annuals, people watching, and just overtime-working the creative parts of my mind.
You may be asking, "But Matt, how will you be able to make car payments, college loans, and rent without having a job?" Well, starting in a week, I will be collecting unimployment checks. This last for up to six months until I find work. The checks are not quite, but almost enough to cover most of my monthly bills, so while looking for work, I'll use the next few months to remake my portfolio. I also might be able make a couple bucks from my parents by rebuilding their deck. And then there's always online poker. So we'll see how the next few months go.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Sleeping in and then playing some X-Box
So, guess what?
I ain't got no job. As of Monday, I was "let go" from the ad agency I was working for. Financially, it sucks because I need to pay bills. Job-hunting-wise, it sucks because the market is hard to get into.
But I'm keeping a positive outlook for now. I wasn't doing exactly what I want to be doing in my career. I was doing more execution and production work and not the more creative and problem solving part of the process. But I was learning. This was one of the reasons my boss decided to let me go. He didn't want me getting stuck and trapped doing the production role.
We'll see what happens. Right now I'm evaluating what I want to do. I'm going to talk with all my contacts at different agencies and then take it from there.
Also, I'm running a lot lately. I need to train for the Run Hit Wonder. Already lost seven pounds. Boo yah!
More to come about the job later....
I ain't got no job. As of Monday, I was "let go" from the ad agency I was working for. Financially, it sucks because I need to pay bills. Job-hunting-wise, it sucks because the market is hard to get into.
But I'm keeping a positive outlook for now. I wasn't doing exactly what I want to be doing in my career. I was doing more execution and production work and not the more creative and problem solving part of the process. But I was learning. This was one of the reasons my boss decided to let me go. He didn't want me getting stuck and trapped doing the production role.
We'll see what happens. Right now I'm evaluating what I want to do. I'm going to talk with all my contacts at different agencies and then take it from there.
Also, I'm running a lot lately. I need to train for the Run Hit Wonder. Already lost seven pounds. Boo yah!
More to come about the job later....
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